o-hai (yet again)

Hello to whomever is here!

Lately I have been thinking how little Jdrama rep and recs there are. Most of them of the older ones. And that prompted me to log back into LJ. I miss being in the Jdrama comunity. 

I am thinking of writing mini reviews here and there but who knows :)

So now that I am here how have you been, anything interesting going on?


My 2 cents about Eito & Ryo, and fanfic

Hello, hello whoever is here,

So I have been sitting on this for a while now and I think... I think I am done.

After the fallout, I can't bring myself to the same feelings towards eito (all of them, including the ex-members). I naively believed in their friendship and all, which seems like a huuge lie at the moment. It still hurts. It is not Ryo leaving to be honest, it is the way he did and Eito's silence about it. that, to me, speaks volumes.

I feel too naive, stupid and heartbroken.

I've decidedto not update my fic anymore. I dont know if I ever will feel like continuing it again. Or ever to become an active part of the fandom again. Probably not.

Thank you,
and bye for now.
double melo

[FANFIC] Ryo, The Latchkey Boy, Chapter 14: Trepidation

Title: Ryo, the Latchkey Boy
Characters: Kanjani8, News, Various other JE boys. Surprise appearance of Tackey and Tsubasa in this chapter (don’t ask, I have no idea)
Main Focus: Ryo
Summary: An unexpected event rips the hearts of Kanjani8 and News members. They are left to attend their wound while looking after one of their own.
(side note: this is NOT a death fic, even though it looks like it.)
Format: Multi-Chapter Story
Warnings: This is set during spring 2010 while News was still a six-member group and *obviously* Subaru was still in the band. Also trigger warning for nervous breakdown I guess?


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Previous Chapter: Midnight Intervention

[FANFIC] Ryo, The Latchkey Boy, Chapter 13: Midnight Intervention

Title: Ryo, the Latchkey Boy
Characters: Kanjani8, News, Various other JE boys.
Main Focus: Ryo
Summary: An unexpected event rips the hearts of Kanjani8 and News members. They are left to attend their wound while looking after one of their own.
(side note: this is NOT a death fic, even though it looks like it.)
Format: Multi-Chapter Story
Warnings: This is set during spring 2010 while News was still a six-member group and *obviously* Subaru was still in the band.
Note: All chapters are going under editing at the moment. Next chapter might take time to upload.

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Previous Chapter: A little Problem


Writers Block: End of Hiatus, or...?

Hello to anyone who is still out there, who is still waiting patiently for me to update.
There couldn't be much after seven years right?
I am really sorry for falling from the face of earth; or rather the j-world.

I sincerely apologise.

I'll try to explain these past years and why I just vanished.

Seven years ago, my life at the time was going both in a good and bad direction. Good because I was finally picking myself together, getting a degree, finding a job etc. speaking on society's view of course. But on the other hand I was falling deeper and deeper in to depression each year. I tried to hold on to the things I loved but nothing seemed to give me joy anymore. It was hard, and, I admit, I went to dark places. I had lost hope on my dreams, not giving up but still losing hope (does that make any sense any sense to anyone?).  I felt like I was stuck in a reality I hated, and I didn't have the power to get out of it. Although I had concerned people around me, their resolution was to give up on my dream and make do with my life as it was.

I couldn't do it. Maybe its not really a healthy way of thinking but I felt like I would be completely lost if I also gave up on my one true dream.

I frantically searched a way out. While these searches seemed fruitless, an opportunity rose by the end and I moved forward. I moved, changed jobs, and started to enjoy life again. It is slow but I am getting there. This past year I started to pick up my old habits and started to feel hopeful again.

I am nowhere near my dream but slowly I am getting there. This is enough for now. My mind is in a fragile state and I can get really down real quick, but I believe I am also getting stronger.

Then, a friend was showing my a kpop video a week ago. And this suddenly ignited my love for Kanjani8 and Ryo. All the while I was watching that video, my mind was on KJ8. I was always a fan even though I stopped following their updates. But now I wanted to be back and an active member of the fan community. So hey!

I have been searching old pages and trying to refresh my memory as well follow-up on everything that I missed (it is hard I tell you, there's really not much around anymore).

Then I decided to read my own fic, since it was always on my mind. I wanted to continue. I just finished reading it today and I think I know what I want to do with it :) we will see. But I am really hoping to update it in a week or two. I don't want to promise of course, but this is how I feel.

Sorry for the long post. This is pretty raw but I am not going to edit it (or else I won't post it). I just felt I owed you a tiny bit of an explanation.

Have a good day/evening wherever you are.
Yours sincerely,

Ryo The Latchkey Boy, Chapter 12: A little Problem

Chapter 12:  A Little Problem
In a crowded dusky bar three popular idols were drinking without anyone noticing them. Not that they stand out, idols were used to not attract anyone in their private life. Besides it was a ritual to them; Yamapi, Toma and Jin usually went out for a drink after a tiring day.
“So,” Toma asked, eying the crowd. “anything new?”
Yamapi remained silent but Jin answered Toma’s question after finishing his glass. “I am going to America soon.”
“I asked if there was ‘something new’ idiot.”
Jin made a dramatic face. “But I will miss you while I’m gone.”
“Sure, sure. You’re going to party with chicks. Then a month later you’ll call us to inform how good your life is and how ours suck.”
Jin grinned. “Then you can follow my steps.”
“Ha-ha, very funny Bakanishi. Don’t you think Pi?” Toma finally turned to his other friend, realizing hwo silent the other was. Yamapi sure did look like he was dozing off with his untouched glass waiting in front of him. “What’s with you?!” Toma pinched his old friends arm.
“Ouch! What are you doing?” came an angry answer immediately.
“You were dazing off.”
“No I was not!” Yamapi replied rather harshly.
Toma and Jin glanced at each other. “What’s wrong?”
“We can sense it you know.” Toma insisted.
“Oh really?” the News member didn’t bother to look at them.
“Yeah really!” Toma replied with an angry voice. “And you insist that we are friends. No, that we are brothers.”
Yamapi slammed his glass on the table. “What did you say?”
“I said that you are acting like an ass!” Toma glared at him. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with the other.
Jin rolled his eyes. “You two idiots should stop ‘cause I think I know the reason why he is down.” Two pairs of furious eyes looked at him; but that would rarely affect him. He grinned. “It’s about that skinny monkey isn’t it?”
Toma looked at Yamapi who looked away in an instant. “Why do you think it is?” the news member asked.
“Well he’s causing many troubles lately.” Jin answered happily, ignoring Yamapi’s angry glare. But the other immediately tried to recollect himself; looking more calm and drinking his beer.
“Who is causing problems you say?”
“Ah, scary.” Jin slid closer to Toma.
“Do you think Ryo is a problem?!”
“Scary, scary, scary!” Jin nearly yelled.
“Pi, just calm down. We don’t think he is.” Toma stared at his friend.
Finding the courage in Toma’s words “Although he is a pain in the ass sometimes, he is not a problem at all.” Jin laughed.
Before Yamapi could give a sarcastic answer to Jin, Toma continued; “Lately you have a big problem with Ryo, not us. And it seems like you’re trying to take it out from everyone who accidently says something a bit negative about Ryo.”
“I do not!” Yamapi denied with anger filled voice. “I don’t have a problem with him at all. You idiots, can’t you see I am angry about how others treat Ryo. What’s wrong with protecting your friend?!”
“Dude that’s your excuse.” said Jin before taking a sip from his glass.
“Come on!” Toma insisted. “Tell us what is eating you.” Him and Jin watched as Yamapi examined their face and turned his attention back to the bar.
“Stop the torture already.” Jin rolled his eyes.
“I am not ignoring you, idiot! Can’t you see that I am thinking?!”
“No he can’t.” Toma answered instead of Jin; his voice was teasing. “How can he know? After all he never done something like ‘thinking’ before.”
“You two!” jin complained with an angry spark in his eyes.
“What? You’ll miss us when you are in America. You said so yourself. We are just trtying to make memories here.” Toma’s smile was beaming.
“Just sit and wait. I’ll definetly have all the chicks in America.”
Toma just realized how hurt Yamapi’s expression was. “We are getting off topic again.” He warned Jin. “What about Ryo bothers you?”
Yamapi turned his emotionless eyes to his friends. “I…” he started. But he couldn’t continue. He took another sip from his drink. Others waited patiently for Yamapi to gain his courage. “I…” he continued. “Am I a bad friend?”
Toma sighed.
Jin Laughed. “Why on earth would you think something this foolish?”
Yamapi hesitated. “I am  not sure.”
The other two gave him a knowing look. “Right.”
“Really, I am not sure what it is. Can’t put my finger on it exactly. But there was this incident with Ryo…”
“After the accident?” Toma asked.
“No, not after, before. By the way that wasn’t accident, it was robbery, assault, attempted murder!”
Toma and jin looked at each other warily.
“I think you are taking your anger out of the thief.” Jin tried to rationalize.
“Don’t tell me he doesn’t deserve it!” Yamapi shot back with anger, nearly yelling.
“of course not. He does deserve it. But I think you are cirlcilng around the main subject. Get to it already.” Toma said before he drank his beer.
Yamapi watched as Jin threw some peanuts into his mouth. “Before the incident, there was a time that we were going to hang out together, but I cancelled at the last moment.”
“Was that the problem.” Jin rolled his eyes.
“Really pi, are you a drama queen or something?” Toma sighed.
“Ofcourse saru-chan would be angry, typical Ryo behaviour.”
“Will you shut up.” Yamapi cut. “Typical Ryo you say… but.”
“But?” Toma asked after ordering another drink.
“But?” Jin sighed. “But you are an idiot?”
“No, Bakanishi! But maybe I don’t know him at all, and maybe that’s why his ‘typical’ behaviour is upsetting me!” this confession earned him a blank stare from the other two.
“Akanishi-kun, would you like to knock some sense in to this idiot? Or should the honour be mine?” Toma spoke.
“I am not sure Ikuta-kun, maybe we both should.”
“Oi come on!” Yamapi nearly yelled, again. “I am trying to share my problems with you and this is your reaction?!”
“You are an idiot, more greater than me.” Jin rolled his eyes.
“Whoever gave you this idea about not knowing your friend is a moron.” Toma pointed out.
“I demand a duel! I don’t like to have rivals! Or at least those who try to steal my lawfully earned title.” Jin complained.
“Oh maybe its Ryo, the guy did hit his head pretty bad.” Toma suggested to jin.
“Could be. The other option is Pi thought about it himself, which proves his IQ is lower than mine.” Jin beamed with a smile as if he gained victory.
“Okay! Stop it you too!”
“Honestly who gave you the idea?” Toma asked.
“Well… hey but we do fight a lot!I mean if I really knew him-“
Toma stared at Yamapi in disbelief. “God! If you were not drunk I would hit you.”
“Friende usually fight you know. Fights draws people closer.”
“Who the hell was idiot enough to make you believe that?” Toma insisted.
“err… we had an argument with Shige and…“ Yamapi summarized the little incident between him and Shige.
“Honestly!” Jin said.
“Shige is an idiot too then.” Toma commented.
“Hey!” Yamapi opposed.
Toma sighed before he started to explain. “I think he has his own problems and, like you, he is taking it out on someone else; in this case, you.”
“Yamapi you know that ‘knowing a person’ doesn’t mean you are able to read him like an open book, right?”
Yamapi looked at them. “Of course not. But at least I should be able to understand what he is thinking.”
“Maybe we should write it down for him, and make him read it hundred times. He’ll eventually understand.” Jin said to Toma.
“Hope so.” Toma said.
“I really want to kick you right now.” Yamapi said.
“Okay, I’ll try to explain it once more. Now Pi, for all these years we spent together we came to understand each other’s ‘feelings’. We learned how to react when we saw the other angry, upset etcetera…” Toma’s expression was like a patient teacher. “But unfortunately for you Pi, we didn’t develop any talents like mind reading.”
“That would be way too easy.” Jin yawned. “Then Life would be borring.”
Yamapi opened his mouth to say something but Toma cut him. “We have something called ‘conversation’ to be able to know what kind of thing is bothering the other’s mind.”
“I think Pi is coming to his senses. Of course thanks to us, or he would continue to have a low IQ.”
Yamapi threw him some peanuts. “I get it already Bakansihi.”
“You are not allowed to call me that before clearing this mess.”
“By the way what’s Ryo doing? I heard he was very busy.”
“Yup.” Yamapi confirmed. “He is most probably resting. He is not healed yet and they are making him learn the choreography and the song. Every time I see him he is dead tired. Like when he had one tour following the other and dramas to film, events to attend.
A confused expression appeared on Jin’s face “I don’t get it, he is not healed yet, how can they force him?”
“It’s Johnny-san. His words are absoulute.” Toma sighed. “Where is he now?”
“Who Johnny?”
“No Bakanishi, Ryo.”
“At home. He is not going out much; he isolated himself to his house.”
“That’s understandable. He is probably very scared of the world right now.”
“Let’s go and see him one day.” Jin suggested.
“Let’s wait for him to heal first.” Toma said. “Not you Pi; you should go and solve the problem.”
“Yes sir!” Yamapi bottomed up his drink and got up to his shaky legs.
“Not tonight idiot.” Jin laughed.
“Yes, okay.” Yamapi mumbled.
“He is drunk?” Toma laughed.
And that was about their evening, it started grumpy but ended with laughs.

A.N: hmm… A beta would not be a bad idea it seems…
Saru: means monkey in Japanese (God bless google translate :p)
Important note is the first part of this chapter was written way before than ‘the withdraw’ of ryopi. The story will continue as it is – news will remain a six member group. I won’t change the plot to adjust to the new reality. For those who is still too sensitive to see them as old news, I am sorry.
Love you all, and comments are always appreciated :)

Off to class, me goes…

My Two Bits About Ryo & Yamapi's Withdrawal

Hey, how are you all?
I just heard the shocking news, about NEWS. shocking and sad really.

truth be told I was waiting this; yamapi talking about solo albums and concerts, ryo wearing out because of the tight schedule. and news didn't have much work/activities for a year (or two years?). I was expecting that yamapi would leave the group and that would force ryo to make his final decision.

but it was a shock! why you ask? 'why, if you were expecting it?'
first of all I didn't expect Yamapi to act this suddenly; yeah it wasn't actually sudden but lets say a bit more slower.
secondly the group was my first japanese band, my first fandom. I still remember the first time I got to know the group. true, they are not exactly my stile but I had fun watching them. yes it was very entertaining. now it is like my precious happy childhood days. I remember them with a sour smile on my face. the feeling is the same really.

but overall it was expected and (I guess) necessary.
I heard many fans are angry with them, that is not fair. well maybe for yamapis case for being selfish. but still it could be understood.

yamapi was not a real social person, or to be exact, he likes to be independent. news wasn't his idea, he was just assigned to it. he wanted to be something else. and he chased after his dream. most probably -I think- Jin's situation triggered this. no I am not on his side completely. my anger actually comes most from how tiny news' activities got, just becasue they wanted the fans to be ready. but I guess it was decided.

the infamous johnny most probably thought about this from the beginning. (I am going to be heartless from here, sorry news fans) news was choosen from a bunch of guys that was not very well known and a shining star. he choose them in order to:
1- make yamapi a nest that he can grow on, because it was obvious he was goin to be an individual star. (yes you can say he made news yamapi's stepping stone)
2- with yamapis fame these unknown talents would shine, and after being famous nation wide they would lead a carrier most suiğtable for them.
he is a buisnessman after all and I don't really blame him, no he was very smart. (though I don't personaly like him)

for ryo leaving;
-fact: he is very tired
-fact: he was talking about the schedules and if he had to leave one of the bands with the mannagers, jimusho etc.
-fact: clearly he HAD to quit one.
(should I remind you that he weared his body that it failed him once?)
-fact: he did talk but didn't want to take any actions yet. he wanted to go on as much as he could.
so I don't blame him for leaving. definitely not. he had to leave one, and yamapi made it easier.
oh yes it was announced at the same time but probably yamapis desicion lead him to this conclusion too. thats what I think. with yamapi gone, what would it be for him?
lets look at this in two perspevtives
1-  as his career: we see one group which was successful but not very active anymore. and another group that is climbing its way, shining. if you had to leave one of the groups which would you choose. logically.
2- as friendship: shoul I really write? kanjani was his best buddy, childhood friends. he was very close and comfortable around them. fooled around as he pleased. news: oh yes he was close with yamapi, but the rest? eventually they did get along but not the same. they were friends ofcourse but kanjani was in a different level. so what would your heart say?

if you are not a ten year old fanatic you probably would understand what I am trying to say. they don't deserve those hatred coming from some fans. remember that they are human and they are trying to do their best.

as a ryo fan I am happy for him, he won't be exhausted or unhealthy anymore - not like this. as a kanjani fan I am happy that he choose eito. still it is sad that those happy news days are over. the new news will have a different aura :(

so, take care all. missed you all a lot.

p.s.: about my fics: I will continue to write it as it is. if I will write another, not sure, there may be the old news, may be the new.
Ryo Smile

Ryo The Latchkey Boy, Chapter 11: Dancing in the Secret

 Chapter 11: Dancing in the secret
Ryo was walking down the halls of the Jimusho, not quite like he did a few days ago. Though his manager was next to him like the last time and they were chatting too, this time the amnesic was searching every corner, every doorway, like he was looking for something or someone.
“Are you sure?” he voiced a question as low as he could manage.
“I checked his schedule, Takizawa-kun will be in the theatre till evening.” The other man answered. No matter how much he said it the amnesic idol didn’t believe him.
To prove his manager right Ryo said “If you say so…” with a lingering scepticism in his voice. “Just… let’s hurry to the practice room.”
Even though Ryo was the one who wanted to hurry up, he himself was the one to slow down their pace. The boy was still checking every shadow; hiding somewhere when someone passed by them.
The manager couldn’t help but leave a relieved sigh when they finally arrived to their destination. Ryo, on the other hand, was focused on the noise flowing out of the room.
“Why is there music?” he frowned with confusion. “Did the choreographer start before us?”
The chubby man just shrugged before gesturing to the other to open the door. Ryo agreed with the man, wasting time on the hallway wasn’t going to achieve anything; If the dance teacher wanted to warm up why would Ryo care?
It turned out that he should care; when he opened the door he saw six extra figures in the room. When he focused on those figures, he saw that they were none other than those Kansai oriented idiots.
They didn’t notice the man just arrived right away, they left him remain there with wide eyes and a jaw nearly hitting the floor.
It was indeed unexpected. There was nothing assigned with a band in Ryo’s schedule, the only thing he got was to practice till he learned the song and dance steps.
“Oh… Ryo, good morning.” Hina greeted the amnesiac.
Ohkura was the first to turn to look at the door when they heard Hina. “Great!” the drummer said. “We can take a break now. Do you know how much I am hungry?!”
“Tacchon!” Yassu sounded annoyed.
“What are you doing here?” Ryo was surely annoyed.
“Practice. What does it look like?” Subaru answered without looking at the other, his eyes was focused on the mirror image of himself, checking every move he did.
“I have practice, right here, right now.” Ryo objected.
“Why are you mad? It’s not like we are enabling you.” Yoko laughed. “He is more childish than me Subaru; you should stop getting angry at me only.”
“Besides,” Yassu added. “We should Practice as a band you know.”
“Yay!” Maru yelled. “Ryo will help us too, right?!” he sure looked very excited.
“Idiot...” Ryo mumbled.
“Why are you so surprised Ryo-chan?” Ohkura smiled at him before glancing back at the table. “Wouldn’t it be weird if we were ’not’ here, ‘cause, you know, we are a ‘band’, we work ‘together’.”
“I see…” the panicking monster inside Ryo was calming down. Why was he so flustered in the first place? They wouldn’t bite. He dropped his bag on one of the chairs surrounding the table.
“So, we are taking a break, no?” Ohkura turned to his other band mates with pleading eyes. “And a snack at last?”
“Didn’t you eat before coming?” Hina smacked the drummer on the head.
“Ouch! Don’t hit my head!! Now I’m feeling sleepy.”
“Just endure it a bit more.” Subaru said laughing at the youngers behaviour. “It’s nearly lunch time.”
Ryo on the other hand was dazing off while getting ready. His mind was bothered, although Ryo couldn’t get why. The lack of attention was so relaxing and relieving, yet there was a little part in him that was disappointed. No more than disappointed, he was a bit panicky, though it wasn’t clear why.
Amnesiac boy positioned himself at the edge of the back row, and started to warm up.
Figuring it out was complicating and difficult. So he decided to begin with the easiest; why was he relieved? Simple enough; those guys didn’t pay attention to him, didn’t hover over him like the last time, didn’t distress him with their over protective attention.
Ohkura, who was on his left, pulled Ryo between himself and Yoko. “This is your position in this song.” He said simply. Ryo didn’t answer, nor did he react, though Ohkura didn’t mind, he was so busy with his own choreography.
It was relaxing how he felt free; he wasn’t feeling like a little kid crying for his candy anymore. But… there was a ‘but’ bothering him. But there was an unpleasant part of him which didn’t like this new situation. Then again why? Why, he kept asking himself, why was he feeling down?
He looked around to be sure that they wore not watching him; they were not. Actually they were quiet busy with making fun of the others mistakes.
‘Maybe the reason why you’re feeling this way is the same.’ Said a distant voice inside his head; a voice that sounded annoyingly similar to that Takizawa guy.
Yassu’s voice woke him up from his dreamy state. “There’s no need to frown like that Ryo-chan, don’t be mad.” The guitarist smiled at his amnesiac band mate. “It’ll be better for you too; I mean you will be practicing the actual thing.”
Of course that shortie was right, he did feel much better because he would know what he was going to deal with. It wouldn’t be that hard on him on the stage this way. “Mind your own business shortie.”
Yassu just smiled at him across the mirror, watching his moves closely. If Subaru didn’t smack him he would forget their decision about not bothering Ryo.
The amnesiac was so convinced that the others wasn’t paying much attention to him at all that he didn’t notice Yassu. Ryo was stretching out slowly and carefully. These past days he learned how much he should push himself or when he should stop. He was learning from experience; pushing himself so much didn’t end well.
“Starting from the beginning.” Informed on of the staff members.
“Okay.” Hina replied.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” They started to dance while following the rhythm. Though every one of them was secretly keeping an eye on Ryo who was too focused on his own step’s to realize their attention. The real reason was the amnesiac was sure that he was ignored he didn’t pay attention to anything else. Sometimes he did check them, with the corner of his eyes, to see if he was wrong. But no, their attention was on their own moves.
“Don’t forget to match your moves, it’s team work.” The choreographer cried out.
Ryo stumbled on his feet and nearly fell on his face. That would have ended badly if luck was not on his side; Ohkura, that tall guy, catched him right on time and pulled him on his feet again.
“Thanks.” Ryo mumbled. Ohkura just nodded and went back to his assignment.
How should Ryo feel, he was very unsure. The relief and disappointment was driving him crazy. That guys voice was echoing in his head, ‘you do want them to-“. He intentionally tripped on his own feet to free himself from that annoying voice. This time who saved his ass was Yoko. Ryo thanked him too but the other didn’t reply. Looking at the elders face he realized that Yoko was not happy with his own steps.
“Oh God, here comes the kick.” Subaru grinned.
“Common! You don’t have to mask your dance steps when you think you screwed up.” Yassu commented.
“Shut up.” Yoko answered with an embarrassed voice.
“Now you said it, he is going to play with his fingers.” Came Ohkura’s voice from his right.
‘cool’ Ryo thought, ‘a distraction.’ He didn’t have to full his head with unnecessary thoughts while trying to master his moves. Those six fools were very distracting actually; Maru was doing silly faces every time he messed up, Hina’s laugh exposed his molar tooth every time he eyes caught Maru, Subaru would join Maru’s funny face mimics in an instant, Yassu would watch them overly excited while Yoko and Ohkura was pulling a stumbling Ryo on his feet every now and then. Yoko would laugh with Hina after making fun of Maru. The drummer was always calm, he was observing everything; well except when he was yawning or rubbing his stomach.
Then suddenly Subaru and Yassu would start a conversation about what patterns on clothing were they in to lately. For the short guitarist it seemed like hea was into all kind of weird stuff and colours. He was a unique human being cause of his taste of clothes.
Hina smacked Yassu’s head. “You, what are you talking about? You’re disgrace to men-kind.” He teased.
“That’s because he’s a gorilla.” Subaru laughed with a wide grin and sparkling eyes..
Ryo suddenly lost his interest on the conversation when a moment flashed in his head; it was more like a feeling actually. What he remembered was being pushed and yelled at; nothing was clear, who was pushing him or who was the owner of that yelling voice, he wasn’t sure when or where it happened… Ryo couldn’t even make out the words or if the voice was male or female, adult or kid. The only thing he was sure was how he felt exactly; alone, disappointed, guilty, sick and angry. That was all before he blinked back to reality.
Fearing from the extra protective act he glanced around; lucky again, they were all occupied with their own dance.
‘Damn! Why?!’ he questioned himself with anger.
“You’re a spoiled brat.”
Ryo quickly turned around to look; it was Hina but the words weren’t directed to him. They were for Yassu.
“Eh me?” Yassu questioned with his wide open eyes and a pout. Ryo smiled faintly to the expression; It was funny the amnesiac admitted.
Yoko, unaware of the struggle inside the skinny guy next to him, flashed a smile to Ohkura, just to earn a smack on his head.
“Ouch shin-chan!”
“Careful idiot,” Hina whispered to him. “Don’t frighten the kitten.”
Even though the other agreed he couldn’t help but say “That kitten might grow up to be a wild tiger you know.” with a grin. Maru winked at him across the mirror.
Ohkura couldn’t hold himself anymore. “Break!” he yelled. “Now! I am dying.” He purposely fell on the ground and moaned.
“Okay, okay. Break!” the others agreed.
“Great!” Ohkura jumped on his feet, surprising only Ryo. “So what are we going to eat? Sushi?”
“Why did you think of that?”
“Let’s eat ramen.”
“No, no. Sushi it is.” Subaru grinned. “If ‘we’ don’t like it then we’ll go to a ramen place.”
“You’re evil Baru.”
“Are you going out for lunch?” a staff member asked.
Ryo was completely clueless on what was going on; he just tagged along.
They went to a restaurant just across the street.
“Good afternoon.” The owner greeted them. “It’s been a while isn’t it?” he smiled at them. Kanjani members really liked the guy; they came here a lot to eat since their junior days, the owner always treated them well, sometimes it was on the house. “what do you want today?”
“Sushi.” Ohkura said simply.
“Sushi? Okay, six sushi and one ramen.” He yelled at the back.
“No, no. you got us wrong.” Yoko smiled. “We want seven sushi’s, we’ll decide on ramen later.”
The shop owner glanced to Ryo, who was examining the décor. The last time he gave fish to that boy it was a disaster; the skinny boy jumped around the place, ran to the toilet and didn’t come out for nearly an hour.
“Seven?” he asked in a very suspicious voice.
“We have a bet going on with Nishikido.” Yoko whispered to him with an evil smile on his face. The shopkeeper wasn’t very sure if he should help this kid with his mischievous plan. But what else could he do. “Cancel the last order, seven sushi’s no ramen. Oh what kind of sushi do you want?”
“Doesn’t matter really.” Ohkura shrugged.
“Whatever you want, we are okay with anything.” Hina said. The others went to sit. Ryo wasn’t very sure why he was with them to start with, they didn’t ask him to come – not that they didn’t want him. The amnesiac felt like he was like a weak student who would follow the stronger ones. And they were not paying any attention to him.
When did he became an attention freak?
But just when he decided he would be okay with the attention they started to ignore him.
Did he really think that?
What was really with him?
Was he sick?
Of course he was.
Not like that.
Yoko’s clear voice suddenly broke his interior monologue. “Your optimism is annoying.” He said to Yassu.
“But think about it.” Yassu insisted. “If you’d see it from the bright side wouldn’t you feel better?”
“So…” Subaru played with the pepper in front of him. “are you saying things would be alright if we were optimistic?”
“Yes. I mean no!”
“Haha!” Yoko laughed. “You’re stumbling on your own words.”
“Yokocho.” Yassu frowned to the other, actually others; Hina was laughing with the eldest too. “You are not getting-“
“So-“ Hina continued this time. “Let’s say, for an example, if Ryo was very happy, I mean extremely happy, running after the butterflies and such, he wouldn’t be robbed?”
“No! I am trying to-“
“How do we know he wasn’t optimistic that time.” Maru said.
“Common.” Subaru laughed. “We all know he is grumpy in mornings.” Subaru laughed. “You should know that the best because you’re, his usual victim.”
“No need to add we had a fight the night before.” Ohkura said, watching every move on the other side of the curtains which was hiding the kitchen area. “Besides Maru gets Ryo angry every time because he is being foolish.”
Maru pouted, causing the others to laugh, again. Those osakans wouldn’t miss an opportunity to laugh.
“Don’t be down.” Hina smacked the orange rangers back. “He is trying to say that your behaviour is very dangerous for your sake. Its lake… waking up a lion.”
“Whatever. That’s the way you are.” Yoko said with a smile.
Maru grinned. “Now you accept me as who I am, I can continue as I like.”
“You see that?” Ohkura turned to pat on Ryo’s shoulder. “He is not apologetic at all.” The smaller guy didn’t know how to react to that. Well he didn’t knew what to do from the beginning.
“So what were we discussing?” Yoko asked with a shining smile.
“You never let go do you.”
“Go on Yassu, we are listening.”
“Finally.” Yassu sighed. “You don’t get what I’m saying. Optimism doesn’t change the events.”
“Ah, then what’s the use if we will still face the same thing.” Yoko complained.
Yassu continued “No matter how happy or angry he was he would still end up in this situation.”
“What kind of optimism is that!”
“What? Did you believe optimists had the power to change things?”
“No, we thought they were idiot enough to believe that.” Ohkura commented. He was not teasing, it was just a fact – for him.
Yassu sighed again. “Well you are wrong. The thing about optimism is no matter what happenes you’ll find a bright side of the events.”
“The actual meaning of your words are ‘go read Pollyanna’ right?” Subaru laughed.
“Yeah!” Yassu rolled his eyes. “Go read it for God’s sake and stop teasing me! Optimism helps you to free yourself from those gloomy ideas which are poisoning you.”
“Are you talking about someone particular now?” Subaru teased.
“Hey if you don’t want to be happy it is not my fault. Go enjoy the life as it is, try to be happy.”
“Optimism is happiness?”
“It is being strong.” Ryo spoke for the first time. Everyone turned their attention to him right away, mostly because he joined the conversation. But their amnesiac band mate didn’t seem to realise their attention “No wonder optimistics are rare.” He said with dreamy eyes staring at the wall.
“I thought optimists would be considered weak.” Yoko mumbled.
“Because optimism means feelings and that means weakness? Yokocho you’re so wrong. Optimism or pessimism, it doesn’t matter; they are all about feelings. Humans are all about feelings. But while optimism welcomes these feelings the other one is afraid. At the end pessimist live with the fear of the worst things. They are disabling themselves from being happy.
“Well they’ll be able to bare the loss.” Subaru commented.
“Wrong again.” Ryo commented. “sadness, being sad is weakness. Happiness is what everyone craves for. And for those who actually have it, they are the strongest in the world.” Everyone was staring at him now, without blinking an eye. “What?”
“Nothing.” Yoko eyed him.
“You’re just the most pessimist among us.” Ohkura said what the others were thinking.
“No I am not!” Ryo denied with his high pitched voice. But again how could he be sure?
“Kidding.” Ohkura laughed. “Remembering things again?”
Ryo shrugged.
“So happiness is optimism?” Yoko asked.
“Happiness is idiotism.” Ryo finished.
Yassu pouted. “And I thought you were on my side.”
Ryo shrugged. “You can’t be happy in a world like this. The only way is to turn blind to everything.”
“Even though you strongly defended optimism you are a weak pessimist at the end.” Hina comented.
“Told you so.” Ohkura laughed.
“Ryo-chan,” Yassu smiled. “Do you openly admit that you fear from your emotions?”
“No!” Ryo blushed. What an idiot he was, he shouldn’t just hold his tongue.
“I think he secretly wants to be an optimist, but doesn’t have the strength for it.” Subaru said, stealing Yoko’s evil smile.
“You! I-am-not-weak!”
“Oh really?” Ohkura raised an eyebrow.
“Can we change the subject already?”
Yassu felt pity for him. “Sure why not. Ryo-chan when you mess up don’t look angry.”
“I agree.” Maru nodded. “You’re not a robot. You make mistakes, all of us do.”
“No need to be hard on yourself.”
“Just laugh it off.”
“Again the optimism?!” Ryo said in a dangerous rebellious voice.
“Do you surrender?” the others laughed.
“No! Ugh! What’s this smell?” Their order just arrived.
“It’s nothing. Time to eat.”
“I think I am going to puke.” They laughed while watching Ryo run to the toilet.
“Don’t be such a baby Ryo-chan.” Maru yelled.
“I’ll get a ramen right away.” Said the owner. “You shouldn’t play pranks like that.” He laughed. “After that last incident, you should just be happy that he is with you.”
They looked at the man’s genuine smile.
“We are.” Said Yassu.
“That’s why we are doing these kind of stuff.” Ohkura finished.
The second half of the day was pretty much the same. At the end Ryo thought it wouldn’t be bad at all if he would join those idiots; dancing with the music while making fun of the others mistakes and goofing around, still managing to do their actual job. He felt his heart warming up towards them. Maybe that Takizawa was right; maybe he should give a chance to people. But again, he shouldn’t get caught by that ‘takki the weirdo’ guy. He carefully headed to the van which was going to take him home.

A.N.: still not sure with the title, but that is it. It matches right?
I am not very satisfied with this chap (usual), but well this is it for now. Have some ideas for the next chap (raising optimism), but might not have time (falling optimism), and I might be lazy, like I wasn’t lazy enough (rising pessimism).
and why do I have a problem with 'copy + paste'ing? why no tabs or italics etc is seen?
Feel free to correct any mistakes, comment, just read, whatever you like.

Ryo The Latchkey Boy, Chapter 10: Night Chat

 Chapter 10 : Night Chat
“Cheers!” Takki yelled happily to one of his juniors.
“Cheers!” Jun yelled.
“Cheers.” Jin blurted out.
Yamapi had invited everyone he could out for a drink. It wasn’t actually a bad idea, everyone was having fun; except Yamapi himself. He wasn’t enjoying anything at all at that moment. The smiles he threw all around were fake. No one actually noticed it, the witnesses from the earlier incident weren’t invited; and of course he was good at hiding his emotions – just like someone he knew.
Yamapi sipped from his glass.
Or maybe someone he thought he knew.
“Oi Pi, what are you thinking?” Takki asked.
Yamapi blinked his eyes to turn back to the reality. “Ah nothing really, I was thinking about today.”
“Really?” The older munched some nuts. “What happened?”
“I wasn’t very successful at filming. I kept doing one of the scenes wrong.” Yamapi lied while sipping.
“That sucks. Are you depressed about it?” Takki looked concerned, Takki always looked concerned, especially if it was Yamapi who was troubled.
“A bit. But I am sure I’ll manage it tomorrow.”
Takki’s generous smile immediately lightened up his face. “That’s the spirit.”
“Ne, Yamapi,” Ninomiya patted on Yamapi’s shoulder. “How is Nishiki? I was planning to see him tonight.”
Yamapi was expecting this question. “He is healing. It’s good that you didn’t go see him tonight, he was so tired after the practice.” He answered the Arashi member.
“What practice?” Takki asked. “I thought he was resting at home. If I knew he was good enough to accept visitors I would have visited him long ago.”
Yamapi turned to his ‘papa’ again. “He is going to perform on Music Station.”
“He is that okay?” Ninomiya asked. Takki looked down, he probably felt guilty for not visiting Ryo before.
Yamapi patted Takki’s shoulder. “He is not okay, really. Because of his current situation it would make him worse if there were more strangers next to him.”
“I am not a stranger.” Takki sounded offended.
“I guess he meant that Nishiki has amnesia; didn’t you know?” Ninomiya teased.
“Eh?” Takki looked at Ninomiya. “Are you serious? Why don’t I know about that?”
“Didn’t I tell you?” Yamapi looked outside of the window. “I must have forgotten.”
Takki’s jaw was nearly hitting the floor. “You are serious.” He looked for his jacket. “I should go see him.”
“Told you, it will worsen his situation.” Yamapi said to stop him. His voice sounded a bit angry. “Besides today was a hard and tiring day for him. Why do you still insist? You should give him some time.”
“What’s with you?” Ninomiya asked instead of Takki. Yamapi looked at them, they both looked confused.
“It’s… I had a hard day too.” He mumbled. The other two stared at him for a few seconds.
“Get up.” Takki slapped on Yamapi’s back. “I’ll drive you home.”
Takki wasn’t very happy about the new news, who would be. He dropped Yamapi in front of his building and drove right away to Ryo’s place. He was feeling very guilty now.
He had to ring the bell for three times to get it open. Maybe he shouldn’t have come this late.
“What the hell!” Ryo opened the door. “What do you want in the middle of the night!”
Takki looked at his watch. “It’s only nine thirty, not that late. Are you okay?” the older guy just noticed the others state. His hair, and shirt, was damp; his eyes were swollen like he was sleeping – or crying.
“Who are you?” Ryo answered the others question with a question.
Takki tried to smile. “One of your friends, we work together.”
“So one of those idiots, I see.” Ryo eyed him for a while. “What do you want?”
“Won’t you let me inside?” Takki answered. “It’s a bit rude like this.”
“Then you shouldn’t have come this late.” Ryo did no attempt to move aside.
“Ryo-chan.” Takki smiled. “Come on. I am not going to bother you much.”
“You’ve already bothered me enough.”
A sigh left Takki’s mouth. “Ryo-chan, I understand you may feel unsecure because of your amnesia. I am not going to harm you in any way, I assure. Just let me in.”
Ryo didn’t want to, but somehow he ended up pushing the door open.
Takki’s famous smile lightened up as he entered the flat. He ruffled Ryo’s hair after closing the door behind him.
Ryo wasn’t expecting that kind of treatment. He jumped, “What the-“
The other laughed. “Can’t help it, you guys will always be kids in my eyes.”
A confused expression formed in Ryo’s face. “Kid? Who are you?”
“Come on, let’s sit first.” He headed to the couch. “You’ve lost so much weight you know.”
“I know.” Ryo’s answer came. Judging his voice, he sure felt unsecure. “I heard it numerous times.”
“How much do you weight now?” Takki settled on the couch.
“Fifty.” Ryo sat across him.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’ve been on a scale today.”
“You must have lost…” Takki made a calculation in his mind. “… around four or five kilos. That’s pretty much.”
Ryo shrugged. He didn’t care about his weight right now, he didn’t understand why everyone else did.
“You don’t care?” Takki asked.
“Why would I?” Ryo ruffled his damp hair.
“Well you used to care very much.” Takki answered him.
The answer bothered Ryo, he shifted uncomfortably. “So… err… What do you want?”
The older guy eyed him before answering. “Sorry. It probably scares you.” He could see the other wasn’t expecting this kind of answer from the way he lifted his eyebrows. Ryo was confused.
“We all claim to be your friends, to be close; but you don’t know what’s the truth, you don't know if we are lying or not.”
“So,” Tackey eyed him. “You’re afraid to believe us.“
“How did we jump in to this conversation?”
“You’re trying to run away.” Takki stated before continuing his previous statement. “… because if you do trust us, and if we’re lying. You’ll end up hurt. That’s what you’re afraid of right?”
The younger looked away. “What the hell?! That’s not it!” he bit his lower lip.
“Then what is it?”
Seemed like there was no way out of this weird guys questions. It would be better to answer his questions to get rid of him, as soon as possible.
“I don’t want to be with strangers like you because it’s bothersome.” Maybe the other would take the hint and leave.
“Yeah right.”
Either he didn’t take the hint – which proved he was a complete idiot – or he ignored it on purpose. Ryo couldn’t help but glare at him.
“Why is your hair damp? Did you just took a shower?”
“Eh? No.” the sudden change of topic caught Ryo off-guard. Now what was that guy trying to do?
Tackey thought about of it for a few second while starring at his junior. The reason why he asked that was just to make Ryo relax with a casual conversation. But looking at the others uncomfortable shifts Tackey knew he just hit another jackpot.
“You’re hair and shirt is damp, you’re eyes are swollen.”
Ryo couldn’t help but rub his eyes. “Eh, so? I was sleeping, of course they are swollen.”
“I’d say,” Tackey continued ignoring Ryo’s words. “You were either taking a shower, while crying – which is unlikely, ‘cause if you were crying in the shower your eyes wouldn’t get swollen.”
“Told you so.” Ryo smirked.
“The other option would be that you were having a nightmare.” Ryo opened his mouth in protest but the other didn’t let him. “Since you said you were sleeping, the first option is disqualified.”
“I was-“ Ryo started, nearly yelling.
“… having a nightmare. Your eyes wouldn’t be swollen like this if you were only sleeping.”
The nervous reaction he got from the other proved his point; Ryo was playing with his hands.
“What was the nightmare about?”
Ryo turned his wide eyes back to his senior, who had an annoying knowing smile on his face. “You’re pushy.”
“You need to be pushed; otherwise you wouldn’t let anyone near yourself.”
The amnesic didn’t know how to answer that. The others diagnosis made him feel uneasy.
“You actually want to be friends.”
“You didn’t say your name.” Ryo cut his words. “Talking about this nonsense is easy.”
“Okay, let’s start with that. My name is… well you can call me Tackey. What was the nightmare about?”
“What a suspicious name.” Ryo mumbled.
A sigh escaped his seniors mouth. Tackey looked around and got up to get something from the bookshelf. “Here, this is the drama we’ve been in.”
Ryo took the DVD and looked at the cover. Though there were many people on the cover, him and ‘Tackey’ was the main Focus. Yes him, there he was with a depressed expression on his face, there was his name, Nishikido Ryo. Why didn’t he look at these earlier?!
“Are you happy now?”
“Takizawa.” Ryo read out, he wasn’t paying much attention to the other.
“I assume you’ve been this suspicious to the others too.” Tackey started to pull out some more DVD’s. “Hey take a look at these too.” He went to sit next to his junior and put them on the youngers lap.
Ryo wasn’t looking at him, his gaze was still on the Orthros no Inu DVD, though he wasn’t actually looking at it. His frown and sparkling eyes showed that the younger was focusing on something.
“You nearly strangled me.” he said nearly whispering.
“Eh?” Tackey lowered his head to see the others face.
“You nearly strangled me.” Ryo repeated.
“There’s no strangling in that drama.” Tackey was confused. “I didn’t harm you in anyway.” What was Ryo thinking, was he mistaking Takki with someone else.
“No, no.” Ryo turned his eyes to him. “Long time ago, there was a… competition I think. We were running… racing…”
“Sounds like old junior days.” Tackey commented, trying to help rather than interfere. He could see the amnesic started to remember something.
Ryo froze for a second, junior days? How many things were there that he should remember? “Before we started the race you took me as a hostage.”
“Yeah. You hold my neck with your elbow, like this.” Tackey watched as Ryo hold an imaginary person with his elbow, like strangling him from the behind. “The others saved me.” He added.
“Who? Do you remember them?”
“It was…” Ryo lowered his gaze to the DVD mess on his lap. “I don’t remember his name.” he said while biting, actually chewing his lips.
“But you know him?”
Ryo nodded.
Tackey reached out for a DVD, it was News’. “Can you recognize him from here?” he watched as the other’s gaze wandered on every members face.
“Not here.” Ryo lowered his eyes to the DVD mess again, this time he pulled out a Kanjani8 DVD. “This one.”
“Subaru-kun.” Tackey couldn’t help but get his hopes up. “Any others you remember?”
The amnesic tried to focus on the memoir. He could remember the suns warmth on his skin, the burning desire for water. That guy, Subaru, was the same; maybe his skin was a bit younger. And there was someone next to him, someone goofy.
Tackey looked at the others frown and waited with patience.
“He had blonde hair.” Ryo slowly spoke. “Here, this one.”
“Yokoyama-kun.” Tackey leaned in to see the picture. “You remembered it well. It was actually a competition between Tokyo and Kansai- are you alright?”
Ryo was visibly shaking; he pushed the mess off of his knees and pressed himself away from the older. Only that the couch’s arm was preventing him to back away further.
“What’s going on?!?”
What’s going on was when Tackey leaned over, his shadow fell on Ryo, completely covering the youngers face. That’s how he found himself under an unexpected pressure; though why he felt that way wasn’t clear.
“Get away!” Came the answer clearly.
Tackey Straightened himself right away; giving some space to the unwell guy seemed the right thing to do. As the result came out, the other looked less frightened and his breathing slowed down. Still he followed Tackey with eyes which were filled with pure horror when the other got up to get a glass of water.
“Here.” The older offered the water to the younger.
Ryo didn’t move, just glared at his senior, causing the other to leave the glass on the coffee table. Tackey could see that the fear was disappearing from those tired eyes, but something else was filling in; anger, pure, wild anger.
“I see, guess I pushed you enough for tonight.” He eyed Ryo sadly. “I’ll leave you alone for tonight. But we will talk about this later okay?”
Ryo still kept silent.
“Say ‘yes’ boy. Otherwise I’m not going to leave. Would you prefer that?”
Ryo wanted to yell at him, punch him, kick him. But he could do neither with his fatigue at that level. He hated it, he hated being this weak when he needed strength. “Leave me alone tonight.” He said finally.
“Okay.”Tackey grabbed his jacket. “We will talk about this later, I have your word for that, right?”
Ryo nodded unwillingly while looking away.
A sad smile appeared on the older guys face. “See you. Hope you’ll get better soon.” With that he left.
Ryo didn’t look but the door slam sent a shiver down his spine. Now that he was alone he wasn’t feeling secure at all. He glanced to his bedroom. Outside world sure was an evil monster to him, but ‘home’ wasn’t peaceful either. Ryo knew his own mind was playing games to him; his sleep was the most troublesome experience lately.
There was only one option for Ryo, giving up sleep. Getting to that conclusion, he reached for the song sheet that he needed to memorize.

AN: I apologize if Arashi is out of character (probably are); dunno really why they are here in the first place.
I would like to thank Decemberpie for her advice, funny maybe but it helped me to organize those twirling ideas in my head. And can’t stop watching ‘dancing in the secret’. Iitai dake (just wanted to say)… :p
For those who always read and for those who comment, thank you all too. Your comments were very supportive. I would have gave up long time ago. Really thank you very much *bows*
Don’t mind me, I’m emotional tonight.

Ryo The Latchkey Boy, Chapter 9: Shattered

Chapter 9 : Shattered

“Good morning Shige!” Koyama greeted his band mate with a loud and cheerful voice. Both of them had just entered the building of Johnny’s Entertainment.
“Good morning.” The other answered while trying not to yawn. “You’re very cheerful today.”
“When am I not?” Koyama grinned. “Besides todays whether is really nice and warm. Flowers are blossoming…”
“Ah Nishikido-kun.” It wasn’t Shige’s voice that stopped Koyama; it was his words. He turned his back to find the one and only Nishikido Ryo in the Jimusho walking down the hall with his manager by his side.
“What is he doing here? Koyama asked. Ryo should be resting at home.
“How could I know?” Koyama wasn’t expecting an answer but Shige answered anyway. “Well he is coming toward us, we can ask him.”
A door opened behind them and a second later they heard Akansihi Jin’s voice. “Oh the monkey is back. HEY KIDO!”
Ryo, who was seriously discussing something rather than paying attention to the world around him, startled at the voice at first but didn’t pay further attention to it. His manager looked at Jin instead of him.
“Good morning Akansihi-kun.” The man answered. “Nishikido-kun-“ Ryo finally turned his head to look. “This is Akanishi Jin-kun. He is one of your friends. He…“
“Ne, why is he explaining everything to Ryo-chan? That monkey knows these stuff.”
“Shige answered impatiently. “Because he has amnesia. Didn’t Yamashita-kun tell you?”
“Amnesia? Wow man that sucks. Pi? Oh yeah he said something like that when we were drinking the other night.”
“Not only you look like a pig, you have one’s brain too.” Ryo brushed past them.
“He doesn’t seem amnesic to me, he’s just grumpy that’s all.”
The only one who stared at Jin angrily was Shige, Koyama was trying to gain Ryo’s attention at that moment.
“Ryo-chan you’re cold today. Why didn’t you greet us?” his wide smile faded away with Ryo’s glance. Koyama never saw Ryo’s eyes that cold and full of hatred before.
“Nishikido-kun is busy today.” The manager answered as they walked down the hall. “Sorry for the rudeness. I’m sure he’ll explain it to you later.”
The guys from News watched their band mate disappear at the end of the hall helplessly.
“You okay Kei-chan?” Shige put an hand on Koyama’s shoulder.
“Why, yes of course.” Koyama answered, the smile returned to his face immediately. “He is just being grumpy like usual.”
“I wouldn’t call that usual. Ever since the accident it became really hard to communicate with him.”
Koyama was surprised at Shige’s words. “I didn’t know you were concerned about Ryo-chan. You always seemed to prefer the long distance between you two.”
“I am not concerned.” Shige snapped. “I am just pointing at the obvious while everyone else is paying blind and seek.”
Koyama was now staring at him with wide eyes. “I didn’t get that.”
“Whatever, let’s get to work. Bye Akansihi.”
“Yea, yea, bye.” Jin didn’t seem to pay any attention to them either. He was glued to his phone once again.

Yamapi just finished shooting one of the scenes, when he heard his phone ring he was heading for the rest room. He opened it to find a text message from Jin.

From: Baka-chan
I saw skinny monkey today
Wow he lost so much weight
He can fit in to his nephews clothes now
You know it’s sad that girls would still find him hot
I mean I am at the normal weight here.

To: Baka-chan
Quit blabbering Bakansihi
Where did you see Ryo?
You went to his home?
I haven’t seen him in a while
How is he?

In a second Jin’s answer came.

From: Baka-chan
Who is blabbering
Look at yourself!
I wasn’t at Ryo’s place
That monkey came to Jimusho today
He was really grumpy.
Ne, does he really have amnesia?

Yamapi stared at the screen of his phone. Ryo went to work? But why? He should be resting.

To: Baka-chan
How much do I have to tell you
He of course has amnesia
Why was he at the Jimusho?

According to yamapi he waited for a long time for Jin’s reply before dialing Koyama’s number. According to his cell phone he only waited few seconds.
“Hi Leader-san.” Koyama said happily.
“Why is Ryo at the Jimusho?” Yamapi didn’t care for politeness at all.
“Thank you I am fine.” Koyama laughed.
“Okay, okay. I don’t know anything about Ryo-chan. He just suddenly showed up with his manager. He didn’t talk to us at all. I don’t know where he is or what is he doing.”
“When did he show up?”
“Half an hour ago or so.” Koyama’s voice answered with a wandering ting.
Yamapi glanced at his watch. “Okay. Put an eye on him. I’ll check him after the shooting.” He said with a monotone voice.
“I’ll try to.” Koyama laughed. “It would be easier if I knew where he was.”
“Well you can ask someone.”
“I’ll see what can I do.”
“Thanks. I have to go now.”
“Okay, see you.”
When yamapi ended the call he found a text message waiting for him.

From: Baka-chan
Stop calling me idiot!
Isn’t Ryo-chan your friend?
I thought you knew
Weren’t you talking about taking care of him?
It’s weird that you don’t know.
Now stop calling me idiot and call your friend.

Yamapi sent a last text before running back to the shooting.

To: Baka-Chan
Fuck you!
If you were here I would punch you
I swear!

Jin stared at his phone with his jaw nearly touching the floor.
“Yo, close your mouth Bakanishi.” Came a voice behind him. It was Matsumoto Jun. “What is making you look even more like a monkey?”
“Oi! I think Yamapi is mad at me. But I really don’t know why.”
“So that’s why you’re blocking the hallway?”
“I am not blocking anything. Besides Yamapi isn’t the only thing that’s distracting me. Ryo’s helping too.”
“Oh? Wasn’t he resting at home for some time? He sure is incredible to distract you from miles away.”
“He was here just a moment ago. Though that’s not what’s distracting me. Did you know he had amnesia?”
“Who has amnesia?” asked Ninomiya staring at them behind his big sunglasses, he just arrived at the scene.
“Who? Ryo-chan of course.”
“Are you kidding?”
“Nishikido has amnesia? No wonder he is hidden from cameras.” Commented Ohno.
“Ah…” Ninomiya went silent. “We should visit Him.” He yelled excitedly after a second.
Before Ninomiya’s team mates could reject him Jin cut in.
“I think he is working right now. Moreover, he is grumpy today; don’t expect him to welcome you.”
“Well we have work too, so we have to go anyway.” Ohno said.
“Come on,” Jun put his arm around Ninomiya’s shoulder. “We’ll see him after work. Everyone needs to do their work right now.”
Nino shrugged.
Deep down in the building the said man, Ryo, was watching a dance video for the ninth time.
“See that.” The choreographer said. “That’s the way you do it, one step behind the other, arms like this while you move your body.”
“I get that.” Ryo answered in a very rude manner. He stood up to do what he saw.
The amnesic guy put one of his feet behind the other and tried to turn his body a bit, which caused a sharp pain on his back. He stopped immediately. His failure was not because he didn’t understand the moves; it was because his body kept betraying him. Every move set a fire of pain on his cracked bones and injured body.
The choreography teacher didn’t understand his pain. Looking from the outside all his stops, wrong moves seemed like he didn’t know what to do. How could the choreographer know the truth, after all Ryo had always been good at hiding his weakness. Gaining a nice and fresh amnesia didn’t make him lose this ability.
Ryo wiped his face with a towel and started again.
After hours of work people would expect Ryo to learn the required move, at least to do it sloppily. But they would be wrong; straining his muscles and wounds many times like that tired Ryo so much that he couldn’t even do the first, and easy, steps.
“Okay!” the teacher clapped his hands. “That’s enough for today. See you tomorrow.”
Ryo didn’t say anything, he just nodded and looked at his manager who was sitting at a far corner, doing some paperwork. He raise his head and looked at the standing two men. “So its finished?”
“Okay, I’ll pack things up while you take your shower Nishikido-kun.”
The idea of a shower, again, was terrifying. But Ryo would never show this weakness to anyone again. He picked a clean towel. “Where is the shower?”
“Oh this way.” The choreographer showed the way. Ryo followed him to enter a shower room. He chose one of the showers and turned on the water, carefully avoiding it. He watched it sprinkle on the floor for minutes to gain some strength. It didn’t help, he realized nothing would help so he let out a heavy sigh and raised his hand.
First he wetted his fingers, and then his whole hand and his arm. After not seeing any threat he stepped in to the water to soak from head to toe. He could only endure the pressure of the water ponding on his head for a fes seconds. He jumped out hurriedly and breathed out heavily. If he had more energy left in him he would try to endure it more, try to do it again and again, but with his aching body he just wanted to go home. He didn’t think twice when he grabbed a towel to dry himself.
When Ryo entered the room fully dressed he found Yamapi talking with his manager in the exact corner Ryo left him. The manager nodded at Yamapi’s words and answered him. Yamapi listened carefully while his head was lowered and his gaze was on the carpet.
The uneasy feeling returned to Ryo. Seeing them – those who claim to be his friends and enters his flat freely- was upsetting him, tiring him, angering him. Ryo turned to the dance teacher to ask some questions about the dance figures, the song and the next practice.
“Ryo-chan?” yamapi was heading towards him with a smile on his face. Ryo turned to watch the News member.
“You really look exhausted. Are you okay?”
“My wellbeing is none of your concern.” Ryo answered. It sounded as cold as it was harsh.
Yamapi’s eyebrows twitched but his smile remained. “It’s a tough day huh?” the question wasn’t asked to be answered so Ryo didn’t bother himself, he remained silent. “You know what, I’m finished too and I can give you a ride.” The others expressionless stare made Yamapi feel uneasy.
“No. I’m going home with the manager. Can’t entertain you on your way to home.”
“Well maybe I can entertain you?”
“I don’t want your company, nor your pity. I can handle everything on my own.”
The smile on Yamapi’s face faded at the end, now he seemed troubled. “Why are you saying that. Its not because I pity you! Its because we’re fri-“
“Shut up! Don’t you dar to say that word again!”
Yamapi mused at Ryo’s confusing words. He really couldn’t read what was on his friends mind anymore. Ryo brushed past him to exit the room. Yamapi tried hard not to grab the others arm and force him to a serious conversation. He remained still and silent as much as he could.
It took only five minutes for Ryo to exit the building. With his manager at his side it was easy.
Yamapi followed them for a while and watched them leave from a window. Then he went back to News’ room.
“You look tired Yamashita-san.” Massu commented. He was packing up tp leave for the night. Shige, who was standing near a table with a magazine on his hands turned to glance at their leader.
Yamapi ruffled his hair with his hands.
“Yamapi?” Koyama came out of the shower. “Was the shooting really hard?”
Yamapi rested his head on the couch. “No it’s not work, its Ryo.”
Shige glanced back at him again.
“Ryo’s new state is so tiring. I don’t know what’s on his mind anymore. I don’t know how to react to his words or actions.”
“Hmm... interesting.” Shige mumbled.
Koyama and Yamapi turned to look at Shige. “What is it?” asked the younger of the two.
“You could read every act of Nishikido-kun before the accident?” shige focused his stare on Yamapi.
“What do you mean?” Yamapi’s eyes glistened with anger.
“Didn’t you guys fight just before the accident? And its not only that. You guys fight frequently. That’s your regular relationship with him.”
Yamapi jumped on his feet. “You mean I never actually understood him?” his question was asken with an harsh tone.
“Exactly.” Shige didn’t back away. “I don’t think Nishikido changed. He has closed his doors to the outside world. Before you were at the other side of those doors, but now you’re left out too. You don’t know what to do because you don’t really know him.”
Massu Jumped in between the two just in time. A second later Koyama was trying to pull Yamapi back.
“What the- What’s going on?!” Tegoshi just entered the room.
Shige shrugged, grabbed his bag and disappeared in to the building.
“Shige!” Yamapi yelled.
Tegoshi Rubbed his ears. “What’s going on?” He asked again.
“Yamapi, calm down!”
Yamapi pushed Koyama, causing the other to stumble and nearly fall on his butt. Without any further interactions News leader flew out of the door; he wasn’t chasing Shigei he was running away from the demons chasing him. What if Shige was right?...

A.N: I’m not familiar with Arashi, if they are out of character –probably they are- I’m sorry. I haven’t watched anything Asian related like…5 or 6 months, so anything that seems wrong, I’m truly sorry.
I missed you all, I missed writing, I missed your comments. I’m sorry that it took so long, I didn’t want it to be like this though.